Whipped
by ohwhatsherface
Summary: Various. The skirts and the dresses are nice, but these women wear the pants.
1. Kushina x Minato, Brain Damage

_Kushina/Minato_

**Whipped  
1. Brain Damage**

* * *

"You dropped our son," she hissed.

It was a true hiss; a hiss that could only be mastered by someone with a uterus. By a person who has more than once suffered through the treachery of a menstrual cycle. It was the kind of hiss that sent even the strongest, most _fearsome_ of men running away like cowards. They would be ready to turn themselves into slaves to save themselves from punishments that they knew were worse than death.

"I'm sorry."

The baby's wailing grew louder at the sound of his father's voice.

"N—Naruto, quiet down," Minato murmured. He was trying to gently rub the spot where the boy had landed on his head.

Kushina pulled away abruptly and glared at him, cradling the little boy.

"You are an idiot," she said, her voice dripping with venom.

He nodded his head rapidly.

"Yes, yes, I am in idiot!" her husband agreed, hoping to avoid any beatings.

Oh, what a sad day it was when the Yondaime Hokage was being brought down by his wife. And even sadder it becomes when he is reminded that he dropped his infant son on his head. He was supposed to be the _strongest_ shinobi in the entire village! He could do all sorts of things! He fought off armies, invented jutsu, destroyed the evil Kyuubi but no—

He dropped his son.

Minato made sure not to sigh or else his wife would bite his head off for acting like he didn't care.

It wasn't _completely_ his fault. See, Kushina was taking a nap and Naruto began his incessant wailing while he lay in his crib, so Minato went to get him. While cradling the still crying boy, he heard the whistle that signaled his water was well and boiled, so they walked to the kitchen. After preparing his ramen with Naruto still in his arms, Minato tried to eat, and Naruto began to squirm, struggling to grab the cup.

Not understanding just what his son wanted, Minato decided that it was nap time and went to bring him back to his crib.

—Which did _not_ make little baby Naruto happy.

His squirming became worse and eventually, he got out of his father's grip.

Thus landing on his head, on the floor.

Leading to the current situation.

"I'm sorry," Minato repeated.

"You _better_ be sorry!" she yelled. "Because of you, Naruto is probably gonna grow up to be some idiot! He's gonna make up dumb jutsu and get himself into trouble all the time."

The redhead kunoichi threw a pillow at the so-called Hokage.

"You are an _idiot_!"

Minato ducked.

"Now go get us some ramen!"

"Yes dear."


	2. Konan x Pein, Table Manners

_Pein x Konan_

**2. Table Manners  
**For IceCrome! You're a genius for suggesting this.  
I really like this pairing!

* * *

Akatsuki was a name to be feared.

Each member had their specialties in a different field, but they all had one common feature, and that was extreme power. They were all S-Ranked criminals, traitors to their villages and power hungry, ruthless bastards. They never lost any fights and they always triumphed. Okay maybe they didn't win _all_ their fights (god _damn_ those stupid, annoying, _teenage_ brats from Konoha and their freakishly unexpected strength) but they were still fearsome and strong.

But like any normal people (although they weren't per se _normal_ considering how their dream was to take over the world. But then again, many share that dream, just don't have the means to make it a reality) they would have to eat dinner, and since the Akatsuki lair had only one real room for dining (damn Kakuzu, that cheap, money-whore of a prick!) they would always eat their meals together (if everyone was around).

Konan struggled not to chop all their heads off.

Or well, not _all_ of them.

There were the tolerable few like Tobi, who didn't _eat_ with them (the mask, duh!) and Itachi (but that was probably because he came from such a good upbringing—also sometimes causing her to ponder a bit why he would kill his entire clan) but the rest…

They acted like _barbarians_!

She twitched at the site of Kisame's shark like teeth ripping into the meat on a chicken leg he was eating. And the way that Deidara wasn't the only one eating considering the way his hand was roaming over the table. And Pein—

_Pein_…

She grew even more annoyed when he used the back of his hand to wipe some barbeque sauce off of his face when she had so graciously put a napkin by his plate earlier.

"Pein," she called tonelessly.

He continued munching on his food like the other morons

"Pein."

The auburn-haired male most certainly could hear her speaking considering how she was right beside him and the only people talking were Hidan commenting on the food and how some of it might not be to his God's liking (did he need it kosher or something?!), and Kakuzu telling him to shut the hell up.

But then again, their chewing was so loud…

"Pein!"

"What?" he snapped with his mouth full.

She raised a hand and before his shinobi sense could even react, she whacked him on the head. "For god's sake you are disgusting!" She pointed to the lower part of his cloak. "Look at that you buffoon! You are staining your cloak, and why? Well that's because you do not know how to use a freaking napkin!"

The table went quiet for a moment.

Most of the men decided to keep their mouths shut (and just smile. Snickering would be _bad_) and look away.

Hell hath no fury like that of a woman with raging PMS and who lives with a bunch of _men_.

"Hmph."

Her eyes widened for a split second then immediately narrowed as she glared at him venomously.

With the back of her hand, she slapped him again. "Do not talk to me like that!" Konan raged. He opened his mouth to talk back and she cringed disgustedly at the sight of chewed food in his mouth. Her brow twitched in annoyance. "And do not talk with your mouth full either!"

The frown on the face of the Akatsuki _leader_ darkened and he decided to resume eating, rather than fight the woman.

Konan, suddenly caring more about her lover's table manners than her own nourishment, kept her eyes on Pein's eating.

He chewed.

He swallowed.

He raised his hand—

"Use the napkin."

Before the sleeve of his cloak could connect with his sauce-covered lips, her PMS-tainted voice reached his ears and Pein struggled not to shudder fearfully.

With a scowl, he brought his arm back to his mouth. He had a reputation to keep up damnit! Would those stupid S-ranked criminals keep their respect for him if he allowed some woman to step all over him and boss him around when _he_ was the leader?! No, they would not.

This was about pride. It was about his dignity.

His dignity as a leader—

As a _man_!

Pein smeared the food that was on his face on the sleeve of his cloak and Konan grew even more livid. She held in the shocked gasp and snarl she wanted to let out by grabbing her cup of tea and sipping from it gracefully.

He continued to eat.

And once again, he chewed.

And he swallowed.

And he raised his hand—

"_Use the napkin_."

He turned his head and glared at her for showing such _disrespect_ to him in front of his minions (of sorts).

Konan paid no heed to the sound of chairs screeching slightly as the boys moved back a bit.

It was now a battle of the wills.

His nostrils flared in the midst of their staring contest. He looked her in the eyes as he brought the back of his hand closer and closer to his mouth.

Konan's fists clenched and she bared her teeth dangerously.

"Use it," she ordered. The tone she spoke in was the kind that married women used to say 'not only will you be sleeping on the couch tonight, but you and your hand will be getting very reacquainted'. "Pein, _use the napkin_."

He sensed the underlying message and took the napkin with a scowl.

Pein ignored the snickers coming from the others, specifically Hidan, Deidara and Kisame.

(Well at least _he_ was getting laid tonight…)


End file.
